Happiness is a fickle thing, if we allow it to be. There is a constant barrage of outside influences, some positive, many negative. And these are things that are out of our control. Why would we allow these things to affect our frame of mind? Do we have a choice? I know the answer is yes. I KNOW this in my head, but my emotions aren’t sure.
Today, I made conscious choice to be happy. To feel at peace and content in each moment, and to be present for these moments. I was feeling pretty centered- strong and peaceful at my core. There were challenges, for sure. The baby didn’t nap this morning, and was a cranky ball of mess. My plan for the day was slightly rattled, but I went with the flow.
We went for a walk, and I let Little Man play at the playground for a bit. Then we headed home. I was trying to just focus on the feeling of the breeze hitting my skin, and not feel the pull of worry that is constantly hiding in the shadows of my mind.
Then Hubby calls with news of an upcoming trip. And my mood immediately goes south. These things are totally out of my control. I cannot do a thing about his schedule. So why have I allowed my brain to go to places I don’t want it to be? I have come up with questions, suspicions and doubt where there should be none.
Where is my peace now? Why have I allowed it to escape, and why have I allowed outside influences to decide my mood? GRR. I just want peace. And I know this is a journey for me, and I have not arrived at my destination. But I want to fucking be there already. Life lessons I suppose. Sigh.
Crying baby, must sign off.