It’s very important to me that I take the time to sit and write. I am making a very concerted effort. Just now, I was sitting (very comfortably I might add) in a quiet, empty house, reading. Sounds like bliss, right? Then I thought…You must write!! So, here I am.
A thought crossed my mind today…Am I being my true, authentic self? The answer is, I don’t know. I found an old blog of mine yesterday, and read through all of my posts. What a simpler life I had. Of course, it didn’t seem simple then. I had two small children that kept me very busy. Now, I sincerely miss those days. I was home with the kids, not at a crappy job. I was able to spend time just being with them, which lent itself to me just being. Ah, the good ol’ days.
The past four years or so have been extremely tumultuous. I separated from my (now ex) husband. Had to start working. Went through the pure hell of a nasty divorce, with two sweet, innocent kids caught in the middle. I must say, I am in a very happy, stable place now. I got married three weeks ago (yay!) to an absolutely amazing man, whom I completely love and adore. And even better than the love I feel for him, is how much he loves me and my precious babies (ok, they are not babies…but they always will be to me!). But somewhere, in the midst of all of the change and chaos, I may have forgotten my true self. Definitely, I have become (I am so very sad to say this…) jaded. I am not my innocent, naive self anymore. And I miss the old me. I was pretty freakin’ awesome. I feel somewhat like I am a shell, a mere reflection of who I was. Does time and turmoil always do that to a person?
On the other hand, I have grown. I have proven myself strong and capable. Tough. And I am proud of how far I have come.
But I want to be a free-spirit again. Thoughtful, pondering. Amazed at this beautiful life. Embracing it, and being in each moment.
Acknowledging is the first step, right? My new path to being blissfully, truly me begins today.